You Might Be in Southwest Texas if...
- you drive for 280 miles and pass through only two towns.
- ninety percent of the plants you encounter are armed with barbs.
- ninety percent of the animals you encounter lick their lips and wonder if the human body really consists of up to 60% water.
- you have to drive 190 miles round trip to shop at a "real" grocery store.

- you think all cars are sandy/buff colored.
- the speed limit is 80 miles per hour... in the school zone.

- you know the difference between a butte and a mesa, between an arroyo and a draw.
- your closest neighbor lives across the river... in another country.
- you have a windmill pumping water somewhere on your property.

- Target is something to shoot, not a place to shop.
- the nearest Walmart is 200 miles away.
- the biggest local employer is the U.S. Border Patrol.

- you're tempted to use a leaf blower to clean the dust off yourself at
the end of the day to reduce the amount of mud forming in the bathtub.
- at every turn, you see vast unspoiled landscapes of beautiful natural scenery.
