You Might Be in Southwest Texas if...

• you drive for 280 miles and pass through only two towns.

• ninety percent of the plants you encounter are armed with barbs.

• ninety percent of the animals you encounter lick their lips and wonder if the human body really consists of up to 60% water.

• you have to drive 190 miles round trip to shop at a "real" grocery store.
  
  

• you think all cars are sandy/buff colored.

•  the speed limit is 80 miles per hour... in the school zone.
  
  

• you know the difference between a butte and a mesa, between an arroyo and a draw.

• your closest neighbor lives across the river... in another country. 

• you have a windmill pumping water somewhere on your property.
  
  

• Target is something to shoot, not a place to shop.

•  the nearest Walmart is 200 miles away.

• the biggest local employer is the U.S. Border Patrol.
  
  

•  you're tempted to use a leaf blower to clean the dust off yourself at the end of the day to reduce the amount of mud forming in the bathtub.

• at every turn, you see vast unspoiled landscapes of beautiful natural scenery.